I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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