I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
