I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
