It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
