I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I have aggressive nipples.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
