look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize