Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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