As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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