shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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