Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
