If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm bleeding and have questions
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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