i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
