i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
