the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
