So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
