dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
