we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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