I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
