i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
