Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize