after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize