Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
