At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm getting married
To pizza
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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