I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Is it penis luge time yet?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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