My room smells like vodka and shame
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
