so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
