Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
im six kinds of drunk right now
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
