**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
