and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Operation Purity has been aborted
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
