I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
