You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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