Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
