it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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