thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
