guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
