during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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