At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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