The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
