Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
