all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize