I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
