ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Randomize
