6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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