I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
