toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
