I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
