I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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