Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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