He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
