My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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