I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
im holly from the hills drunk
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
