did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
