There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
