u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
