This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
