Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize