I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
