Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
