i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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