is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
not ubering you a puppy
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
