And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
