so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
