Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Randomize
