He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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