I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
