A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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