We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
And then he peed in my hair
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