people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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