all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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