Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
