this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She even gives head with a lisp.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
