Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
