dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I think people are normalizing furries
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
