i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
